I'm stuck, aren't I?

...Someone told me that I'm a bit conservative and act a bit tooooo old despite my age. She told me (Yes. She.) that I've been a bit too serious and went silent all the time. I don't know about this conservative, "liberal" thing but one thing for sure, I'm a mixed up of both.

I'll be a conservative when it touches something that is proven; time-honored development of state and affairs.

For example: Tradition and culture. Cultural Conservatism?

I'll be a liberal when it touches something that requires criticism and changes to improve present state.

Example: Mentality and Acceptance/Respect Differences on Others.

My father a bit liberal, while my mother a conservative. He wanted change, freedom of thought. She wanted things the way it used to be, embracing changes but in slower paces.

Both of them seems to have influenced me in a confused way. Same like Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad dilemma, I've been bred in two world and mentality; and it seems to me that it spark me thinking...

Freedom of Speech and Action is necessary, but without acceptance and consent, it will turn wild and out of control... (That's why we have rules eh? Islamic or Civic? For enlightenment, watch Law Abiding Citizen)

...

I sound a bit old... aren't I?

T___T

...I don't know why, but lately I spaced out a lot and been thinking out of my league. Things seem been falling apart, friends avoiding me, parents scolding me, me whining (ME!!! Of all PEOPLE!!), and all the scenario seems not turning into my favor. I'm trying not to be a hypocrite, but then, I don't know who'll be the one I  turn to. Heck, I don't even what I'm turning INTO. Lately my business in disarray, broke, self-esteem gone to drain and confidence seems to be "kaput". I've lost my purpose... and don't want to influence others because of it.

HELL.

Climbing up is hard eh? Not because of others, but the egoist in me is not letting me go.

I act as if everything is OK, but Heaven knows... Its NOT.

A solution is there, but I don't know when and how to embrace it.

I've become solitude, still not a hermit but trying to.

Please someone slap me back into reality before I'm going nuts of my own predicaments.

p/s: Watched 2012, imaginary apocalypse turns to real... In Hollywood-ism so to speak. LoL.

But damn... at first the producer want to include Kaaba as one of the destroyed depiction but change it at the last minute because don't want a "fatwa" issued over him. Heh.

I won't be the one to disappoint you anymore,
I know, I've said all this and that you've heard
It all before,
The trick is getting you to think that all this was your idea.
And that this was everything you've ever wanted out of here,
Love's not a competition but I'm winning.
I'm not sure what's truly altruistic anymore,
When every good thing that I do is listed and you're keeping score,
Love's not a competition but I'm winning
Love's not a competition but I'm winning
At least I thought I was but there's no way of knowing,
At least I thought I was but there's no way of knowing,
You know what it's like when you're new to the game but I'm not,
I won't be the one to disappoint you,
I won't be the one to disappoint you anymore